The Sauce Report
by PsychoMD
Summary: This one's for real wrestling fans. My parody of the Ross report. Please R/R


The Sauce Report By Psycho MD  
  
***You ever read the Ross Report. His whole thing seems like one big suck up, and alot of the time his thoughts are either self-serving the WWF, or the exact opposite of what we were thinking... here's what i mean....***  
  
  
  
The Ross Report for the week of 5/24/02  
  
Hello this is good old JR sitting down with a big old glass of BBQ Sauce, ready to write a new Ross Report.  
  
Injury Update: A quick update from last week's Injury Update, it seems that half the people we said were injuried were really just faking because they were too embarressed to be seen on our program lately.   
  
DDP has seen the doctor and will need surgury. We're hoping he has a quick recovery because we have big plans for him in the coming years. DDP, Lightheavy weight champ? Maybe so...  
  
Chris Benoit neck has healed nicely and will be ready to return to action any week now. I personally think he healed so quickly due to his aggressive rehab session, having the best surgon on the East Coast, and the bottle of BBQ sauce i sent him. There's nothing that sauce cant do.  
  
The "F" in WWF was fatally injured last week during a photo shoot for the new WWF Alphabet w/ Attitude book. We want to assure our fans that F's best friend E will be filling in for him.  
  
Thats it for the injury report, but before i start on OVW, i would like to just take this time to explain to our fans WHY we did a heartwarming tribute to Daniel Smith, The British Bulldog, but were so reluctant to do the same for Lou Thez. The Bulldog made us money, Lou Thez didnt. We hope that cleared up any misunderstandings.  
  
Now onto OVW. Nothing to report there because they're shows have actually been better then ours, and we dont want to draw any attention to that.   
  
Random Thoughts and Opinions...  
  
I've gotten lots of email about the name change from the WWF to the WWE, in regards to what i think about it. Personally, i think the name is a nice change from WWF, and we were planning the change even if we werent prompted to do so in a lawsuit. We are very pleased with the name, and im saying that from the bottom of my hat, and not because Vince McMahon is standing by me with a gun to my head. haha..............  
  
anyway... I think Test is improving day after day, and as ive been saying for the last 3 years, i think we're going to see a big star in him one of these days.   
  
The poison the nWo has been growing stronger everyday. I dont know how it comes off to you at home, or you at the live events, but believe me, they are getting real heat. I think you'll be surprised with the newest member being added this week, did someone say, Funaki? I'm not going to say anything more.  
  
I have been very impressed with Mark Henry since he's come back. Who needs wrestling when you have a guy like Mark who can bend stuff with his hands! And im saying this from the bottom of my hat and not because Vince is standing by me with a gun to my head haha..............  
  
X-Pac never stops impressing me. I think his 5 minute run in on Judgement Day was the main highlights of the event.   
  
The main highlight of the event was Stone Cold's match. Does it even matter WHO's Stone Cold is wrestling? His moves are always fresh, and he brings a true level of attitude to any match. I think this was the best match at the PPV. And im not just saying that because of the aggreement we have with Stone Cold so he doesnt leave for another week to sit home and cry.   
  
Another the Main Highlight of the PPV was the Hogan/Taker match. These two veterans tore it up in a match that was a solid 8.5 out of 10. I dont think any of us expected Vince to run out, I can say i was truely surprised, i almost dropped my bottle of BBQ Sauce.  
  
RVD/Guererro, HHH/Y2J, and Edge/Angle were good matches. But didnt have Stone Cold in it. Stone Cold is so great. Best we've got really. We really hope he stays with us. Again, this comes from the heart, not a contract we made last week when he threatened to leave again because he's only getting an hour of airtime.   
  
Congratulations to Rico and Rikishi, the new tag team champions. I can honestly say i dont think this division has EVER been stronger in the entire history of the WWE. ANd im staying this from the bottom of my hat, not because Vince is standing by me with a gun to my head..... haha....  
  
Im afriad i didnt enjoy the Stacy/Trish match, so im afriad i have to give it the lowest rating ive ever given. A 7.5 out of 10.   
  
On another topic, some people have written in and asked why i keep calling the WWE the WWF. Vince has been coaching us with the new name, and after the brutal beating Micheal Cole got last week, i dont think any of us will be making the WWF error again. So they were just mistakes fans, I assure you that good old JR is not going senile.  
  
Congratulations to Rico and Rikishi, the new tag team champions. I can honestly say i dont think this division has EVER been stronger in the entire history of the WWE. ANd im staying this from the bottom of my hat, not because Vince is standing by me with a gun to my head..... haha....  
  
Im afriad i didnt enjoy the Stacy/Trish match, so im afriad i have to give it the lowest rating ive ever given. A 7.5 out of 10.   
  
On another topic, some people have written in and asked why i keep calling the WWE the WWF. Vince has been coaching us with the new name, and after the brutal beating Micheal Cole got last week, i dont think any of us will be making the WWF error again. So they were just mistakes fans, I assure you that good old JR is not going senile.  
  
Ratings may be down but we arent worried, the WWE has started a whole new campaign to "get the F out". We've put a million dollars into TV Ads, another million into Billboards, another million into radio ads, and another million into subliminal ads... oops, did i say subliminal... i meant magizines.... haha its like my granddad used to say... "Eww, Eht Hctaw Ot Deen Uoy." umm... he was greek.  
  
Raw was a great show, best in a long time. A solid 12 out of 10. Filled with action, great segments, great wrestling, and more stars then you could cover with BBQ sauce.   
  
Who says we dont listen to fans? RVD, the new WWE Champion. We gave it to you. However we believe it was best to give it back to the Taker, we think RVD held it for just the right amount of time. I see this young hoss winning back that title within this decade. Keep watching and see for yourself.  
  
I'd like end this Ross Report with some non-sensical gabbering if i may. Slobbernocker, Beaten like a goverment mule, goofy as a pet coon, Scalded Dog, BoogerRed. Thank you.  
  
Well, looks like Good Ol' JR, has wrapped up another Ross report without getting a bullet in the head, so i'll see you all next week. Keep drinking the BBQ Sauce.   
  
DISCLAIMER: I dont work for the WWE, nor did i have any permission to write this, nor did you have permission to read this. So we're all in this together now. Doesnt matter if you didnt know you werent suppose to read this, its too late now, we've gone this far. We play it cool, and we'll be able to get to the underground before Vince finds us. Good Luck. 


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